Nibp Hey God Its Me Again
Some days as I create I am simply creating, simply listening as the pictures I see and the words I hear collaborate to course a story. Other days I do a lot of thinking, sometimes maybe too much, and have questions for God. I work silently and wait to see if He answers.
Hey God it's me again,
I'm struggling today, as always, with so many questions on my mind. I know my questions don't scare y'all, merely do they always make you mad? Make you plough away from me? Frustrate you? Make you laugh? Practice I enquire besides many or too oftentimes?
Similar, what qualifies as existent worship? Is in that location a right fashion and a wrong fashion? Is there a way that brings me closer to you then others? Is it jumping up & down clapping in unison with the entire congregation to celebrate the life you've given? Is it singing a prayer, walking in circles effectually the chair, speaking in tongues, calling out your name in between stanzas with hands raised? Is information technology closing my eyes and weeping at the beauty of the words being sung too moved to speak? Or is information technology when I sit down quietly in my studio and push papers effectually, slopping glue on my hands and getting information technology in my hair, and faintly hearing your answers to my questions as I begin to see the picture I am making grade in front of me?
And practice I have to pray out loud in order for my prayers to exist more powerful and effective? To send the enemy on the run as he hears me calling to you and standing on your promises? Am I sinning if I beginning to falter and forget what your promises to me even are, let alone how to stand on them? How practice I know which way to pray is right? If I'thou not prophesying and don't pray in tongues am I missing the mark?
If I quietly lead my life & sometimes talk most you to people who don't know you lot, but sometimes not, am I hurting you lot? Grieving your Spirit? Lord did you lot put me on this world to live a life of martyrdom similar your retainer John, eating locusts and wearing animal skins or the modern day equivalent to it?
How can I believe what some say nearly sacrifice when they talk to me from their big houses & bulldoze their overnice cars? How can anyone believe me when I talk about you lot when they see that I have so little or need and so much? When I am dealing with broken relationships and have such a messy life?
Exercise I discredit you when I don't look similar I accept it all together and still claim to know you, to be known by you?
I cry and moan to you and enquire for one matter and then the side by side day I contradict myself and ask yous for the opposite. I waver and flounder and don't have a clue some days, but I am trying.
Clearly, Lord, I have a tough route ahead of me and I know that yous are with me on it, but are yous with me more if I pray to you out loud while posturing on my knees and so yous are if I sit down squirming in my bed because the pillows aren't comfortable enough, while the cat sleeps in my lap and I journal my thoughts in the grade of a prayer to y'all or if I am but sorting through these scraps of newspaper?
Lord I know y'all are a large enough God to handle my questions. On the one hand I feel guilty for having the questions in the first place, for my waffling and unsteady emotional swings, just on the other mitt I experience similar you lot are the only place I can become with this. Y'all empathize me more then anyone.
One affair I know for sure is you lot are there. You allowed me to stray then far from you and when I was ready you opened your artillery and welcomed me habitation. You answered every one of my questions when I needed to know if you were real. I am grateful I can come to you. Grateful you will be with me on my steady and secure days as much equally you are on my most uncertain. Grateful that for equally many questions I have, you lot accept all the answers.
And I know that y'all hear me, even if all I am doing is writing to yous in this journal and praying to you lot in my head & my heart, because there have been so many answered prayers. So many real & tangible answered prayers.
Source: https://otherpeoplesflowers.blogspot.com/2009/11/prayer-journal-entry-hey-god-its-me.html
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